Surrogacy Was the Way: Twenty Intended Mothers Tell Their Stories By Zara Griswold Nightengale Press (2006) Reviewed by Beverly Pechin for Reader Views (3/06)

"Surrogacy Was the Way” is a wonderful resource for any couple going through the trials and tribulations of wanting to become pregnant but without the success. While the author also touches on other aspects that she or others have attempted, the reason for the book is to share wonderful, touching stories about surrogacy's that have worked out well for the couples involved. It's a realistic overview of couples from all walks of life and fertility problems of varying types.

The book begins with the author's journey. She tells of how she investigated herself the various ideas, methods, and costs involved with surrogacy. While so much bad press is out there, in particular the Baby M story of years ago, most people fear the idea or often think it's something for only the rich. Zara Griswold puts some of these fears and myths to rest and shows that average couples can do this with a little planning ahead and a lot of footwork. What I loved most about the book was, she didn't just list what she did to make her dreams come true but what many other couples did in various ways. She also provides a wonderful reference section in the back of the book guiding couples to the right resources and a listing of medical terms that those involved may come across often.

None of the stories are candy coated. She tells of problems, fights, downfalls and moments of despair. But she also shows that if the couple remains strong, their dreams can be reached. At the end of every story the couple comments that the end result was worth all they went through. Zara puts the final feelings and results in a postscript at the end of every story to show how the couple handled the final results.

A feeling only couples, and in particular women, whom have encountered infertility problems can relate to so intensely - the author tells her own story and the story of other 'mother's to be' detailing how they both felt before kn

owing there was a way to get their family. She covers the times before and during the surrogacy, while they were a 'bystander'. Some couples involvement is very intense, some by choice not so intense. Each story covered various styles, various income levels, various abilities and most of all the various surrogates that can be found. Amazingly, she covers some stories of relatives who volunteer their bodies for the surrogacy. This was an amazing part of the book to me, as I often wondered how it would work out for a surrogate mother to later see 'her child' being raised by someone else; but you will be amazed to find how they really relate to the entire surrogacy.

Written in laymen's terms and from the heart, "Surrogacy Was the Way” brings a real life problem into light. It allows the couple and especially the woman to feel good about herself, about her choices, about her control over something she may have otherwise never felt in control of. Sometimes harshly realistic when dealing with feelings, this book will put many questions out of your mind and make you feel as though you truly did research the idea of surrogacy to the best of your ability.

This book is a MUST for the library of anyone dealing with infertility. Even if surrogacy isn't something you might have truly considered, this book will give you an insight that perhaps you never realized was there. I know I had no clue. I think it could benefit anyone facing infertility, even to help decide that maybe the surrogacy is NOT for you, but to at least cover the aspects of it so thoroughly and concisely you feel better about the final decision of what avenue you will take. It's time to take control of your own destiny and this book allows you to do so.

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