You have no doubt heard that there is a sequence of preparation that must be followed in the pursuit of personal and professional development. If you want to have something in your life then you must do something to get it; but you can't do what is necessary if you aren't the kind of person who possesses the character that will issue in the appropriate behavior that will eventually bring what you want into your life. The sequence, then, is "be, do, have:” You must be the person who can do what it takes to have what you want.

The Three Types of Desire

How do you get to be the kind of person who acts in the ways necessary to get what you want? It all begins with desire. This is not the desire to have nor is it the desire to do. These two types of desire are always secondary to and dependent upon the primary desire to be the kind of person who possesses appropriate and realistic desires to have and to do. You may desire to have something that is incommensurate and inconsistent with the kind of person you are right now. This means that you want something you cannot have because you are personally unprepared to do what is necessary to get it. If, however, by some stroke of good fortune you do obtain it you will not be able to hold onto it for very long. You cannot perform for very long beyond the level of competence and worthiness you have mentally set for yourself; nor can you retain for long that which you have obtained in a manner you believe to be beyond your competence and worthiness. You will unconsciously seek ways to sabotage enjoyment and beneficial use of your "ill-gotten” gains.

If you want to have something you must also want to do what it takes to get it. We all have had desires to be rich and famous but many of us are neither because we haven't become the kind of person who overcomes natural laziness and self- doubt to be able to act consistently and persistently in ways that will turn these desires into realities in our lives.

Who do you want to become? If you were to answer, "I want to be a person who is rich,” or "a person who is respected by all,” what you would be saying is that you want to be a person who has acted and continues to act in certain ways throughout his/her life that results in the manifestation of personal wealth and universal respect. Our role models set the bar for our personal aspirations and "be goals” but they don't always help us understand what we need to do to become that kind of person. How did they get to be the kind of person we want to be? Our "do goals” must arise out of and be aligned with our "be goals” if we are to become the person who has everything he/she wants in life.

To paraphrase a popular phrase ("if it is to be it is up to me”): "if I am to be (the person I want to be) it is up to me (to do what it takes).” A "do goal” that doesn't help you accomplish your "be goals” will not long hold your desire to accomplish it. In fact, such "do goals” serve only to hinder and frustrate your efforts to discover and fulfill your personal purpose in life. This kind of "do goal” is the epitome of activity without accomplishment: much movement in multiple directions but never getting very far from where you started. These non-aligned "do goals” drain you of the energy needed to accomplish worthy and worthwhile goals - the ones that will get you what you want. If you are to be the kind of person you want - the kind of person who makes dreams and desires come true - then it is up to you to align your "do” and "be” goals. Think of this endeavor as being the Sinatra Step: set and pursue "do-be, do-be, do-be” goals for the rest of your life. And "That's Life!” * (see end of this article for lyrics)

The Quality of Desire and Effective Change

It is a truth of human existence that you receive in proportion to the strength and duration of your desire. On a scale of 1 to 10, if your desire for something is below a nine and you haven't experienced it for very long it is unlikely that you will think and do what it takes to bring it into your life.

You see, we have habits of thinking, called attitudes, which cause us to do and not do certain actions on a consistent basis. These habits of behavior keep us in a zone of psychological comfort that, in turn, limits our performance and life to a narrow range of possibilities. To get something we want we must often confront our comfort and challenge our habits. This means entertaining the possibility that we might need to change what we think and do that we find natural, comfortable and comforting. We must have a strong and enduring desire to do what works to get what we want even if this means changing how we currently think and behave. The desire to be the kind of person who does and has certain things necessarily results in continuous change. Life is the process of constant transition from one state of being to another. The axiom is true: "change is inevitable, growth is optional.” The desires to have and to do must be linked with the desire and activity to continually change yourself for the better.

Three Ways to Change for the Better

I find the following three words helpful when thinking about changing anything about myself: stay, stop, start. Getting what you want sometimes is a matter of staying with what you're thinking and doing now, perhaps to a greater or lesser degree of intensity and/or frequency. It could also mean stopping what you're doing and thinking now that pose real or imagined barriers to receiving what you want. Finally, getting what you want could mean starting a new way of thinking that will lead

Changing yourself for the better begins at the end. Visualizing yourself as the person who exhibits those characteristics and traits you desire and possessing the things you want establishes in your mind the foundation upon which you will construct your "better life.” Getting clear on what you need to continue doing, stop doing and start doing is the primary exercise to help you form, fine-tune and finish the vision of your better Self.

The Source of Desire and Its Accomplishment

Our desires arise and are defined as we grow and experience life and seem to always be tied to talent and personality. Desire, then, is an intimate expression of who we see ourselves to be and what we think we're capable and worthy of. A strong desire indicates a self-image that sees real possibility for turning that individual desire into personal reality. Strong and persistent desire is the means of motivation (that is to say, the motive to take action) through and beyond habitual ways of thinking and behaving. When your desire is strong and persistent, all kinds of exciting and surprising ways to achieve it arrive at the doorstep of your mind.

Many of the ideas that occur to you do so without much, if any, conscious effort on your part. It is as if these thoughts about how to achieve the desires of your heart are simply "given” into your mind. Just as God created, according to the Book of Genesis in the Judeo-Christian Bible, the heavens and the earth "out of nothing,” so, too, creative ideas and innovative notions that will get you to where you want to go seem to appear out of nowhere. From this point of view, it appears that the Creator not only gives you the enduring noble and aspirant desires of your heart but also provides the means to achieve them - your great and creative thoughts that, if held long enough and strong enough, produce on both the conscious and unconscious levels of your mind the motivation to move in the precise directions of your dreams.

Summary

To make any improvements in your life you must first possess a desire to possess that which you deem to be an improvement over what you're experiencing now. However, desire in and of itself is not sufficient to create the motivation to actually do what is necessary to improve. The desire must be of sufficient strength and duration in order to create the internal environment that moves the soul to move the body into the kind of action that will realize what is desired. Such desire stems from the kind of person you are. The kind of person you are determines what you can do to make your desires happen.

The issue, then, is not how to get desire if you don't have it or how to fan the flames of your current desires into more effective means of motivating yourself to take action. Rather, it is a matter of examining the person you are and what person is needing to emerge that will result in the appropriate desires that, in turn, result in the appropriate thoughts and actions that will bring everything you want into your life.

* That's Life!

By Frank Sinatra, 1966

That's life (that's life), that's what all the people say You're ridin' high in April, shot down in May But I know I'm gonna change that tune When I'm back on top, back on top in June I said that's life (that's life), and as funny as it may seem Some people get their kicks stompin' on a dream But I don't let it, let it get me down 'cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin' around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing Each time I find myself flat on my face I pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life (that's life), I tell you I can't deny it I thought of quitting, baby, but my heart just ain't gonna buy it And if I didn't think it was worth one single try I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing Each time I find myself layin' flat on my face I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life (that's life), that's life and I can't deny it Many times I thought of cuttin' out but my heart won't buy it But if there's nothin' shakin' come this here July I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball a-and die

My, my!