We all have many ideas and possibilities for what we would like to do but, for any number of reasons, we don't act. Instead, we stay stuck. We stay in a place that is not our dream. We can't see how it could possibly work. We lack some quality or skill. We have other things that we have to do. We're overwhelmed. We don't feel comfortable speaking with people. The list is endless.

When I began working for my Counseling and Psychology Master's degree several years ago, I knew one of the requirements was to do an internship in Clinical Counseling. I had no idea how I could ever accomplish this requirement, so I pretty much ignored it for as long as I could. Not only did I have no idea of how I could ever afford such a massive allocation of time, I also had no belief that I could even find a place locally to do an internship. I kept busy with the other phases of the degree while waiting to come to terms with this internship requirement.

Soon I could no longer avoid it.

The Game

I am committed to living my life doing the things that I really want to do. And finding an internship was not one of them. I needed something that would soften my resistance and lend attraction to the task.

I adapted a confidence building marketing technique to fit my needs. I call it The Game of 100 No's.

I changed my strategy from looking for a Yes (I had no belief that I'd get a Yes) to collecting the expected No's (I already believed I would get a No). This restored my internal integrity because I was telling myself the truth. This enabled me to take bigger risks and not hold back. I did not have a big stake in the outcome. Because I was going for a hundred No's, I had nothing to lose calling the places that I really wanted but seemed most impossible.

The idea behind the 100 No's game is to by-pass all negative mind talk. Just go directly to action based on the ideas and possibilities that we have. I was going to play the 100 No's game with my internship by just calling places and asking.

I had a list of possibilities and I started calling - confident that I would get mostly No's. And just maybe down the road someone would say Yes. Statistically speaking, in making a 100 contacts, I could expect a few positive responses.

Playing the Game

The first call was a No. Armed with my "success" in getting a No, I had no hesitation in calling the next places. In fact, I looked forward to calling because I was free to be totally myself and I did not have to worry about losing anything. I had 99 more No's to collect.

My second call was to a nearby Community Mental Health Center. Generally, nothing is close to me and I normally drive 45 miles to town (Charlottesville, VA) to do anything. I was convinced that in addition to the 200 hours internship, I would be spending 2 hours a day driving back and forth to town. Doing an internship close to home would be a real boon.

It took several tries to reach the supervisor at the Cent

er (I counted each of those calls as a No - I wanted see how good I could get at the game). When I did reach the supervisor she said that they already had an intern but asked me to come in anyway. Armed with confidence that this would easily be another No, I went and boldly asked for everything I really wanted in an internship. Why not go for everything - it was going to be a No anyhow. At the end of the interview she wanted to know when I could start.

I ended up with a perfect internship arrangement. I got lots of experience with several different client groups in a holistic counseling center that is 7 minutes from my house.

And I had learned a lot getting the internship.

The Moral of the Story

Sometimes in our fear and unknowingness we hold ourselves back from our best. We go for less or we don't go at all because we can not see the way to getting the Yes. If we take away the pressure of doing it right and not making mistakes, we let the best of who we are come out to play in a relaxed and expanded way.

When we come from a place of exploration and adventure --of playing the game full out -- our best takes the lead and who knows what exciting places we can travel to? If you are not making mistakes, you are not taking big enough risks in your life to get you to where you want to go.

You can use The Game of 100 No's in any area of your life where you are stuck, lack clarity, or are so heavily invested in the outcome that you hold back your best. It is a good game to use when you wish you did believe that you could get the results you want but truly just don't -- no matter how hard you try.

Some clients have told me, " I'm not sure I really want to be asking the universe for No's."

Don't kid yourself. If you are stuck you already believe somewhere that you can not get what you want. Trying to make yourself believe or pretend that you do believe that you can get what you want only intensifies your incongruency and lack of internal integrity.

Tell yourself the truth. Admit that you don't think it is going to happen. Then be willing to go along with that truth and act anyhow. You'll have internal integrity and can turn fear into an adventure.

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