The experts often, quite rightly, state that our goals and dreams should be our own and not those of any one else. I had an email today suggesting this very thing. It said roughly:

"If you don't clarify your dreams and set goals someone else will do it for you! You will either follow your own road this year or the road of others around you who will draw you into their dream."

Normally I would agree with this kind of statement but sometimes we love another person so much that their dreams successfully become our own.

An example of this was described in the program "Living in the Sun" shown on BBC 1 on Monday 16th January 2006.

In 2005, Anil Patel, a restaurant owner from the UK, went to Spain to Alicante on the Costa Blanca to open an Indian Restaurant to fulfil his dead wife's dream.

She had held the dream of an Indian Restaurant on the Spanish coast but had sadly been unable to fulfil the dream in her lifetime. However, her desire for this restaurant had lived on in the mind of her husband.

Fulfilling the dreams of a dead person can give some relief to those who are still living. It keeps the memory of the dead person alive and is one way for the bereaved to feel that they are still doing something on behalf of the departed one.

Anil's family and friends supported him with an £80,000 loan and his son and nephew went to Alicante with him to help with the preparation and decoration of the restaurant.

Several members of the family met together to scatter her ashes in the sea off the beaches of Alicante. Her garlanded picture was placed on the wall of the restaurant. Her presence is there through this magnificent image. She is smiling and looks full of life and energy.

However, Anil met with several obstacles right from the start of his venture. These would have been enough to discourage a less determined man who was following his own dream let alone the dream of another.

He had arranged for a sea food specialist to come from India to Alicante but new immigration laws meant he had to redo all the paperwork for his sea food chef who would not be allowed in for another 6 months even if the paperwork was accepted.

Doing extensive paperwork the first time is bad enough without having to do it all over again. I still haven't completed or even begun the paperwork necessary to renew my own passport!

Later Anil had to fly in a non-specialist chef from England at great expense.

The residents in the flats above the restaurant had to agree that his extractor fan would remove unwanted smells. Just one complaint could have stopped him in his tracks.

Even worse, when Anil offered free samples of his food on the beach, the locals did not appear to like Indian food. It was too spicy for them. Even some of the British residents did not seem too keen.

Anil's restaurant was not ready in time for the local yearly festival when he could have made a decent profit and started to repay his loan.

In spite of all these problems, Anil kept going.

He and his family enlisted the help of the Hindu God, Ganesh, to bless the restaurant.

As the opening night approached, Anil still felt sad: "It is her dre

am and she is not with me."

Just opening the restaurant would not be enough to fulfil his wife's dream:

"When I make the big money, I'll be able to say the dream has come true."

As his opening night approached there were more problems. The people next door were complaining and there was still much to do at the last moment. Anil considered cancellation but had invited too many people including local VIP's to do so.

In the end, the opening night was a success. Both the English and Spanish guests enjoyed the food. Anil commented: "I've seen a lot of Spanish in the restaurant and I'm on a winner."

A month later they had more Spanish customers than non-Spanish.

Anil was now much more relaxed: "I had a lot of hard work in the beginning but now I can smile and put my feet up and say: 'I have done it'.

Why did Anil succeed? His motivation was huge. He badly wanted to succeed.

He had his intense love for his dead wife to drive him on. He remembered the happy times and the support he had had from her and though this made him sad, it reinforced his intense desire to fulfil her dream.

Her picture reminded him daily of both her and her dream.

His wife's dream was clear and definite. She had wanted to open a successful Indian restaurant on the coast of Spain. There was nothing vague or wishy-washy about her dream.

He had the support of family and friends and his belief in Ganesh, the Hindu God of prosperity.

He did not give up when faced by what seemed insuperable obstacles. Where necessary he made do with a lesser alternative.

He could not get his sea food specialist so he flew in a chef from England who turned out be a real treasure. The Spanish did not like spicy food so he found out where he could buy less spicy spices!

He delegated. He asked for and received help where it was needed. He used local builders as well as his family to prepare the restaurant. He had hired a chef because he wisely realised that he could not do the cooking and run the front of the restaurant at the same time.

He worked hard. He would rise at 6 a.m. when his plans demanded it.

He faced up to and dealt with every problem in his path and found a solution. He did not accept defeat. Such people will usually fulfil their own dreams and the dreams of those they love.

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