The clearer I get, the better you look. -Dr. Rickie Byars-Beckwith

Rickie glided her message in on a wave of laughter (see quote above). I guess there were about 200 of us in the room. The message was strong, multi-layered and true. The clearer we all got, the better we all looked to each other. With this light little phrase, Rickie summed up just about everything we need to know about relationships.

We tend to think that our relationships are the way they are because of the other person. We fall in love because the other is so wonderful or we blame the other for all our problems. We try to change them or we try to make them like us. We exert all kinds of efforts in the direction of the other.

Rickie's little dictum reveals all that wasted energy and redirects us, in a light and playful manner, to the truth. "The clearer I get, the better you look.” While pondering Rickie's comment and looking at the word "relationship,” I found some clues about the nature of relationship in the word-fragments. I enlisted the help of Webster and some images began to form. I'd like to use these word-fragments here to reveal the beneficial vibrational template within the word and to use it to nourish all our relationships.

Word Fragments

You may find other patterns within this wonderful word. Here are the ones I'd like to highlight by breaking up the word something like this: Re - elat - ion - ship And now we'll add Webster's contribution:

Re-: again: anew

Relate: to respond favorably

Elate: to raise the spirits of

Ion: an atom, group of atoms or molecule that has acquired a net electric charge by gaining or losing electrons from a neutral configuration.

Ship: a large vessel built for deep water navigation

Translation

Now let's translate all this into something we can use to improve our relationships. Let's begin with the word "ion.” In order to make this work for us, we need to understand the relationship between atom and Adam. As the atom is the fundamental and original form of matter, Adam is the fundamental and original human being. They are branches of the same idea. Atom and Adam refer to the same thing. So we will replace the word "atom” with the word "Adam” and we will generalize the word "Adam” to "person.” The ion's electrical charge, due to a loss or gain of electrons, tran

slates easily to the human realm. As we lose our sense of wholeness and neutrality, we seek others. We move toward many of our relationships hoping that through a balancing of charge we can again feel whole, neutral.

When this is done well, the result is elation. We respond favorably to each other, over and over again and this allows us to navigate successfully, with spirits raised, through the deep waters of life. We can now construct a new definition of relationship, working with the word itself, from the inside out.

New Definition

Relationship is the repeated elation that occurs when people respond favorably to each other in their search for wholeness while navigating through the deep waters of life.

Method

So the big question is, how can we do this so effectively that the true blessing of relationship flourishes in our lives? How can our relationships bring ever-new elation and steady seafaring through the ups and downs we encounter?

Rickie gave us the answer clearly and directly. By becoming clear within ourselves, all our relationships rise to their highest potential. We cease looking for the other to change and we spend our time appreciating. We turn our focus inward and open our hearts outward. Then, even though we may still feel "charged” and we may still seek balance and neutralization through our interactions with others, we do it from a place of clarity and stability. Pretty soon, you get very clear and everyone else starts looking very good.

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