Recently a workshop participant reported that the gentleman she is dating is a great person, he takes very good care of her, but there just isn't the romantic chemistry that she wants to feel. Another participant complained of missing feeling the attraction that he has felt with other women, yet, his current lady really loves him and treats him better than anyone ever treated him before. They are in conflict about moving forward with their relationships.

Their comments reflect that there is emotional intimacy and closeness missing in the nature of their connection, not just sexual attraction. Were it not for the fact that they feel loved, are taken care of and are treated better than ever before, neither would be considering creating life-long partnerships. The behaviors they are valuing are nice, but they are not enough on which to build a life-long love relationship that will stand the test of time!

If these stories are familiar to you, think about your last relationship and ask yourself the following questions:

· Where were you in your relationship picture? That is, did your wants & needs, hopes & dreams, ideas, beliefs, and values matter to you as much as those of your partner?

· Did you love him or her?

· Did you respect her and feel respected by her?

· Did the two of you learn how to hear each other and communicate when you were hurt, angry, disappointed, or disagreed about differences?

· Did you like yourself and how you felt when you were together?

· Did being in the presence of one another enrich you?

We frequently make decisions about love relationships based on fear, disillusionment, or a belief that we have to settle. We are afraid that we aren't going to find anyone who will cherish us and accept our faults. We are disillusioned about love though we make every effort not to act from the hurt and resentment of the past. We settle because well-inten

tioned others remind us that life is about compromise. And we become willing to compromise away the very nature of our being.

Resist creating relationships because it is safe and you are afraid. Acting from fear can never result in the rich, comfortable relationship that is your heart's desire. Trust your goodness and "enoughness”. Recognize that you can co-create a life-long partnership that will honor, encourage, and nurture your best self.

Have the courage to be present for yourself and others will be present for you.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2005

If you like this article, please read more about Dr. Jackie's relationship dating advice and help for issues and problems.

This article may be re-published with appropriate attribution to the author including name, web site, email address and telephone number.

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