So your ex has come back into the picture. He says he's sorry about the past. He says that he really loves you. He says that he wants to try again.

You feel torn. Your life without him has been challenging and difficult. Money is tight. The kids are hard to handle all by yourself. But is it really the best thing for you? Should you let down your guard and let him into your heart one more time? Remember that the decision you make today could affect many years of your future life and your children's future lives!

Before you hand him the keys to your heart, please consider these crucial points:

1. Don't give your ex another chance if he or she has been abusive (physically, verbally or emotionally) in the past and has not taken responsibility for the abuse. If you have both have taken responsibility for your own issues and talked sincerely about what you will do differently to avoid all types of abuse in the future, then you could have a chance of a relationship that works.

2. Don't give your ex another chance unless he or she agrees to go to therapy with you so you can both learn to fight fair! It's crucial that you learn healthy communication skills and win/win conflict resolution skills if you want your relationship to work this time.

3. Don't give your ex another chance until you have had a chance to spend time together and see if he or she can really keep the new agreements you've made together. Many people say the right words, but aren'

t able to follow through consistently with action that supports what they said. If you take the time now to find out if your ex can support his or her words with appropriate action, it could save you years of pain in the future!

4. Don't give your ex another chance until you are able to laugh together daily. The ability to laugh about past or present challenges is a sign that you are working together as a team and that you are supporting each other's daily lives. Be sure that natural, spontaneous laughter is an every day part of your relationship before you choose to let him or her back into your life.

Copyright © 2006 Kari Joys

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