You might recall from school the old story "Rime of the Ancient Mariner” by Samuel Taylor Coleridge...

The Mariner's sin in killing the albatross was truly a sin against himself. But the sin began when the Ancient Mariner changed his perception of the good omen. Imagine your partner is the albatross. You first saw your partner as a good sign of clear skies ahead. But you shot the albatross and now it hangs around your neck. What happened? Your perception of the albatross (your partner) changed from good to bad. This may have been for valid reasons, or not. Now the question you have to ask is, has your partner really proven by actions that he or she doesn't love you? If he or she has been good but you are feeling resentment, then who is hanging the albatross around your neck? You are proving your negative point by making your beliefs real. You can do this by setting someone up for failure. If you expect someone to do something out of the ordinary or within a certain amount of time (only they don't know there is a time factor involved), or expect them to change a behavior that annoys you yet they don't know that it does, you are killing the albatross. And it will lay around your neck.

A very important part of relationships is realistic expectations of your partner. I know myself, I sometimes expect too much from my wife. The problem is not one in which one partner or the other isn't doing enough. It is one where both partners aren't doing enough of the right things as perceived by the other partner. The problem here is all about positive communication and teamwork.

And the albatross got its revenge. When I refer to an albatross in relationships, it is when one person hangs penance on another. This usually stems from unspoken resentment. The ideal of a relationship is to have an interaction that is mutually beneficial. You have an albatross when there is a dragging weight on one or both partners. Either one or both of you aren't being team players. We can often accuse the other partner of being the albatross, but sometimes that just isn't the case. We are creating the perception in ourselves that what we accuse our partner of doing is real by perceiving with a negative filter.

The way to remedy the situation is by having goal setting sessions and reaffirming a positive perception of your partner. It is amazing how if you think about how businesses are successful, you know they followed

a well-defined plan. How often do we not have the same sort of plan in a marriage? What do you want out of life? What does your partner want? What are your expectations of your 40-s,50-s, 60-s? What are your partners? These are things that should be discussed and written down. If you know where you both want to go, you can make a plan to work together to get there. Know what each partner expects and include it in the plan. By following the plan, you know what is expected. It is measurable. Things that are measurable can be reached. Detail this plan. Tell each other what you need and how it can best be given to you.

The albatross manifests itself when a person expects without asking. When desire is unclear. The albatross makes you see your partner as the enemy. If you change your thinking back to perceiving your partner as your friend, amazingly it will become so. It is easy to misconstrue the intentions of your partner if you have embraced the reality that your partner is the albatross around your neck. We tend to prove to ourselves that which we believe. If you believe and affirm that your partner is a beneficial, loving partner in time that is exactly what they will be. We are not changing our partner, but our perception of our partner. So often we get in a rut of thinking that our partner is ill matched, or that they don't love us, or that they are wishing bad things on us. Sometimes these perceptions are brought on by things that were said in anger; other times they are lines we have drawn ourselves. If the ancient mariner could have just resurrected the albatross he would have been free from his penance. Resurrect your albatross and the living beacon of clear skies and your voyage to a happier relationship will be underway!

Until Next Week! Have a Happy Life!

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