Today, many families could be, and are, called dysfunctional, since that has become something of a buzzword. Regardless, millions of people lead productive lives, in spite of living conditions at home. Overcoming the defeatist or antagonistic attitudes of other people toward us is probably one of the true tests of character. Will we reach a goal, when there is little encouragement? It's hard work, and it may also be painful and depressing at times, but yes, we can achieve!

Many of us had difficult, even rough childhoods, full of ridicule, poverty, or other limitations. Some unfortunate people spend their entire lives, just fighting for survival. While we may, and do, envy other people and their seeming lack of trials, there are few we would really want to trade places with, if the facades were stripped away. Trying to "even the score” with the apparently favored in society gets no one anywhere but in more trouble.

In fact, what we do with the talents and abilities that God has given each one of us is our gift back to Him. No matter how hard the circumstances in which we find ourselves, we can push forward. We do this by using our talents and learning new skills every day, by doing a little good each day in a world that may have treated us badly. Attempts to get even with other people only cause us to lose traction on the slippery slope we're attempting to scale.

Most of our childhood wounds eventually heal, but not all. Some heal with scars, both physical and emotional. Some people never grow up because they don't want to. They never attempt to push past the age of tantrums, never stop trying to get back at those they think wronged them. They do this, without so much as the desire to know all the facts first about supposed neglect, for example.

Typical bitter individuals, at age 40, are children of divorced parents: still angry at being abandoned by the father who accepted work out-of-state, still hating the step-mom who "took him away” from them, still unwilling to accept responsibility for their own decisions over the decades. For years, they have plotted their revenge. And to what place has it brought them?

One of the coldest situations is when grandchildren try to grab the

grandfather's estate when he passes on, an estate that should go to their father instead. If the Will or the Living Trust does not name the grandchildren first in line, instead of the son, the grandkids will lose in court. Regardless of the outcome, that kind of payback attempt is doomed to failure and destroys what little is left of family ties. We need to build bridges, not destroy them.

Self-defense at the time of an attack is one thing. Protecting someone else from harm is another. Both are justified. Abuse, though, is never justified, and abusers belong in jail or in a treatment program. In addition, life does have a way of catching up with them eventually.

But payback time years later just for deeply hurt feelings in the family? Don't even consider it. Those who deliberately or selfishly hurt, inflict pain, or dig a pit for others to fall into, will receive only pain and suffering in return. For every action, there is a reaction. It is the basic law of the universe. It is also a law that we can so easily avert by a change in our attitude.

© 2006 Shirley Ann Parker

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