It's happens to so many of us. You meet someone, fall in love, trust them to the hilt, and then in the blink of an eye the relationship ends. Just like that. I call it the "lust, trust, bust” syndrome! It leaves you asking why even bother again?

Think of the relationships you have been in and take a look at how they began, where they were headed, the period of time when all was good, and then the ending. What went wrong?

The Lust: You date someone and you feel the chemistry well up inside. The desire to get to know this person is strong, as well as the desire for intimacy. After awhile, you allow your defenses to step aside and you take the risk of letting this person into your life. You risk your emotional and often physical intimacy with this other person. You feel revitalized, younger, more beautiful and sexy. The lust has caught you in a myriad of feelings that continue to draw you closer.

The Trust: As you get closer to this person your trust level increases in the emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of your life. It feels wonderful to be loved, held, cared for, and truly be a part of someone else's life. As you get closer, you share more of your desires and dreams, letting your defenses down even more. You trust because you were taught to trust. Love feels good. The dating becomes more than an expectation. It becomes a ritual that may hold a promise for a future together.

The Bust: Then, in the blink of an eye, the phone calls and text messages stop. Dates are broken. Left wondering what happened you begin to retrace every conversation, every call, every date, every message, and every minute that you spent together. You feel raw and on edge, hurting from the confusion you feel and the silence between you. Although this is a familiar feeling, it still catches you off guard and takes your breath away. You think how c

an his happen again? Feeling duped you vow never to be in a relationship again.

How can you avoid the pitfall and agony of the "lust, trust, bust” syndrome? Pay attention to the signals. Were you sharing the same values, hopes, and dreams for the future? Were you interacting socially? Was the relationship fun and open to new and exciting things? Was it closed off from other people, family, and friends? Were either of you bored? How was your time spent? Were you able to acknowledge each other as separate beings with personal lives before you met? Was there jealousy? Was there rage? What were the signs, if any, that pointed to the ending before the relationship had a chance to grow? Are these questions familiar?

Before you swear off ever getting your feet wet again, take a look at these questions. If there were no signs, take the risk anyway. Not every relationship suffers from "lust, trust, bust”, but it may be a pattern for you to look at and change.

JJR/NY '06 ©

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