Do you wish you could communicate better with your mate? Do you find it hard to sustain a conversation for very long if the issues are emotionally charged? Do you think your relationship suffers from a lack of clear communication?

In most studies about why some relationships are successful and others are not, one of the qualities often mentioned is "the ability to communicate.” Couples who can talk to each other can get through difficulties more easily than those who can't.

Being heard and understood, being unafraid to say what you mean in an unthreatening way, and being able to express what you want in clear terms are the skills it takes to meet your needs.

Listed below are eight communication styles that result in relationship failure. Most of us have a little bit of all of them, but if your love interest is deeply entrenched in any one of them, it may be time for you both to rethink your approach.

1. Being Vague

When this type tries to tell you something, it is so fuzzy, you're not sure what you just heard. "I'm going out for a while with some people and I'll be back later.” When you press for more information, it just becomes murkier. The questions, "What people? Where are you going? When will you be back?” only bring another vague answer. If you continue to ask, you start to feel like an interrogator.

2. Whining and Pouting

When this person whines, many people hear it as a plea and it works on them. You may find yourself trying to please the whiner, which only makes the whine grow louder and louder.

3. Retreating and Avoiding

When you try to talk to your love interest and he or she does not respond, it may seem that they either change the subject or "go away.” Some people have highly developed powers of avoiding any subject that feels threatening. They also shrink from uncomfortable situations by going within and becoming quiet.

4. Silently Needing and Wanting

When one person won't tell the other one what their needs and wants are, communication breaks down. When you are just expected to "know” what they want without their having told you, they might quietly seethe or feel hurt because they think this shows a lack of care. What this really shows is their lack of taking responsibility for saying what they want.

5. Sulking

If you ar

e having a touchy discussion and your partner bottles up, the impression is that he or she may explode if you push the agenda. This causes you to tiptoe around them until they simmer down. Sulking is a brewing potential eruption, ready to spill toxic waste over your emotional living environment.

6. Escaping and Running

These people won't talk and must walk. Some people refuse to have discussions about anything sensitive, and if you try to bring up a problem, they are walking out the door before you finish your first sentence. They don't avoid, withdraw, or sulk. They split. To them, if they don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.

7. Commanding and Demanding

These folks don't ask for anything—they demand it. They don't work in concert with you—they command you to do what they want. They may be gruff and loud, or they may be quiet, with a steely determination. Either way, they don't invite anyone else's opinion. They just want things one way—theirs.

8. Making Jokes

Once upon a time, you loved this person for their sense of humor. It is what you were initially attracted to. However, you have discovered that whenever you try to tell them anything of consequence, they make a joke of it. After a while, things are not so funny.

In all of the above ways people do and don't communicate, you need to be aware of your boundaries and what is okay with you and what is not. You also need to be a master at applying your assertiveness techniques. You can get most of your needs met; you can compromise and negotiate some issues; you can strategize together.

What you cannot do, if you want to be happy, is allow yourself to be dominated by the inflexible communication style of another person. You deserve to be heard.

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