So you're getting married. Congratulations! It's an exciting time. Probably, most of your attention is focused on the wedding. But after the wedding, comes the rest of your life. How do you keep your marriage happy after the big day? It's really not that complicated. I can do it in one word, but I'll take a few more for explanation.

I bet you think the one word is "love," don't you?

Nope.

Love is important, certainly, but it's definitely not enough.

The word that IS enough is this: Respect.

Respect each other's feelings. Respect each other's intelligence. Appreciate your differences. Don't try to remake each other. You don't do that to people you respect.

What does showing respect to your partner mean?

It means never criticizing them in public, not even as a joke. If your mate has a weakness or foible that you find endearing, you may be able to lightly tease them about it. But if the trait is one that bothers you, it's not a subject for public discussion, and it won't be funny to your partner. Even if he or she laughs it off, inside it stings. Bottom line: If you wouldn't want your partner to say it about you, don't say it about them.

This does not mean you should not discuss the things that bother you about each other. You should. But it should be in private, at a time when you can talk quietly and calmly, and never around other people.

It also means trying not to correct the other person in public, unless absolutely necessary. If your spouse is giving someone directions, and he or she says "right" when "left" is what it should be, then you will need to point that out, as politely as possible.

But if your hus

band is telling a story or your wife is making a point and you just think you could do it better, don't. You can add your observation after the story is over, but do it the same way you would for your best friend or your mother..with respect.

There are other things involved in showing respect: Get each other's backs. When your partner needs support, do your best to give it. When you appreciate something about your mate, say so. "That was funny," "You look really beautiful," "You are so smart." Say it when you think it, not when you think you should.

The bottom line: Treat your partner at all times the way you want to be treated. Of course, sometimes you are going to say things you don't mean or do things you shouldn't. You'll get impatient, you'll lose your temper. If you or your partner were perfect, life would be one big bore. But be willing to acknowledge when you're wrong, and be willing to forgive when your partner is wrong.

So, have a wonderful wedding, and after the wedding, mingle love and respect, and have a wonderful life!

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