How many times have you met someone and determined within minutes that you were in love, only to discover it was just infatuation, lust or dementia? How do you know if the mere glance of a member of the opposite sex will turn from infatuation to a stalking charge? How do you know if a friendship will turn into something more? When it comes to love, there is no way of being certain how a relationship will turn out. It is all a part of the learning process.

Falling in love is hard to predict. Most certainly we all have tales of unrequited love, broken hearts and dashed dreams of what could have been. But obviously all relationships have to start somewhere; A friendship that becomes more, an infatuation that becomes a reality. Whatever it is, somewhere along the line we have all been in lust, infatuation and hopefully love. But, by far the hardest one to define is how we know when we love someone.

Contrary to the popular belief in Hollywood, love does not appear within three romantic days on a sunny beach in the tropics. Lust, infatuation and a good tan does, but not love. Real love comes from getting to know someone and still liking him or her. Love may ignite from a first touch or kiss, when every neuron begins to tingle in excitement, but it cannot burn on that forever. There must be substance that can only come from knowing someone intimately - mentally, spiritually and physically.

Love is a scary prospect for some because it means letting down your guard. It means letting someone else in on your dirty little secrets, like the fact you collect Barry Manilow albums, or used to work at Hot Dog on a Stick. Trusting another human being with valuable information about your past, present or future is hard to do. You hope that these things won't be used against you later in life. When you love someone you find yourself wanting to tell them sad, traumatic tales from your childhood (both serious, and in hindsight, no so serious). These are the stories that develop trust and tenderness.

So how do you know if it is love? Everyone likes to be around when things are going well, but a true test of love is how someone comes through for you in the tough times. How does that person react to a crisis? Do they purchase a one-way ticket out of the relationship or do they stick around to help you pick up the pieces.

Someone who hangs in there with you is likely to be there through the ups and downs of a relationship.

Another measurement is how they interact with your family. Sure, they may think the entire family should have a psychiatric ward at the local mental institution, but they don't let that interfere with your relationship. Despite the obvious family dysfunction, they still treat them with respect and a sense of humor. Finding someone who understands that you are a part of a family, good, bad or insanity, is important.

How someone treats your career ambitions and personal goals and dreams should be a relationship eye-opener. Even if you dream is to be the new lead singer for the Rolling Stones after Mick retires, your partner should support that. However ludicrous, if a partner belittles your dreams and goals, how can you develop a future together? A relationship should be built on support and encouragement of the individual and the relationship.

In an age when marriages are crumbling and divorce rate is sky high, it is up to us to take the time to make sure your future partner is in it for the long haul. Your partner should not only be a good companion, but someone that you can call your best friend. Someone you respect as a human being. Just loving someone is not enough. To really have a lasting union, you must really like them too!

 Previous      Next