Sometimes as parents we need reminding about some of the basics of raising young people. Here are fives simple, yet power principles to help you raise caring, community-minded responsible young people.

1. Hand over power and responsibility to teenagers

Essentially our job as parents is to make ourselves redundant. This means we let young people take increasing responsibility for their own well-being. It means they increasingly make decisions for themselves however they need to experience the consequences of their choices so they can improve adjust their decisions and behaviour accordingly.

2. Set limits for identity formation (as well as safety)

When your young person was small you set limits and boundaries to keep him or her safe and also to teach him about the rights of others. Now that you have an adolescent the purpose of limits has broadened to include identity formation. He or she is trying to work out who the hell they are, and what are they capable of doing. This identity formation involves an element of risk, but needs to occur within an open field of choices. A young person sorts through choices, tries a few and embraces some.

3. Use choices and consequences like a good cop

The key to using choices and consequences effectively is to use them like a good cop, not a bad or rude cop. Be calm, be pleasant, and be dispassionate when you use them. You want young people to be mad at themselves, not at you. If you are angry or implement consequences in a vindictive manner young people will more than likely be angry with you, not themselves.

4. Use a problem-solving approach individually

One way of dealing with teenagers is

using a problem-solving approach. That is, you state the rule: "I need you home safely by…….o'clock.” And then follow up saying, "Let's come up with some ways to make this work for you and me.” Then generate some ideas and pick a solution and try it. Talk in a week or two to see if it is working.

5. Choose your battles wisely - don't sweat the small stuff!

The trick to with living cooperatively with teenagers is not to fight with them over the minor events. It is easy to become caught up in battles over relatively inconsequential issues such as bedroom tidiness and appearance, or school uniforms, which are inconsequential in the broader scheme of life. The trouble with sweating over the small stuff is that relationships are damaged with young people over issues of relatively little importance. It also drains energy away so that when there really is a need to hold some ground over an important issue such as a young person coming home at a reasonable time from a party there is just nothing left to fight with.

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