If only shop assistants could be more helpful. Especially when discussing photography….

"Hello Sir, can I help you?”

"Yes, I would like a lens for my camera”

"What sort of lens would you like, Sir?”

"I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me”

"I see Sir. Well, what type of photographer are you?”

"What types are there?”

"Well, are you a portrait photographer perhaps or a landscape photographer? How about close-ups or architecture?”

"Which one is best?”

"Well, Sir, it all depends on your interests. I'm not sure I can tell you. Let's try a different approach, Sir. What aperture were you looking for?”

"The biggest”

"We have a lovely Acme 70 - 200 f2.8 here Sir”

"That looks nice. How much?”

"Three thousand dollars”

"Haven't you got one like that for under a hundred dollars?”

"No, Sir”

"What about that one” (points to lens)

"That's a lovely model Sir. Good value and nice results. Fits any Nikon”<

"No Canon fits?”

"No”

"That's no good”

"Sir, am I right in thinking that you have no idea which lens you want but it needs to be large aperture, Canon fit, low in price and presumably image stabilised, one-touch, lightweight, quick focus, titanium lacquered, diamond-encrusted and currently in stock?”

"Yes, that's just about it”

"You're in luck, Sir. I understand they have some in stock on the other side of town………….”